There's A Philanthropist In The Cockpit

When I was young people were always asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I never really knew what I wanted to be. I would say "veterinarian" or "teacher" or "rockstar" because that's what everyone else said. And, honestly, what 5 year old girl doesn't want to be a vet; all those cute kitties and puppies. You just want to help them ALL! I also claimed I wanted to be a farmer (come on, all those cute sheep and pigs and cows!!!), a doctor, and a philanthropist (I still have no idea what that is...but it sounds cool and intelligent).

The one thing I never wanted to be was an astronaut. Space scares the crap out of me! Seriously? Who wants to go up in the sky in a tiny little rocket? Then you almost catch on fire leaving the atmosphere, and then you're just stranded up there, floating... O_O not to mention the minor NO-OXYGEN issue (what if you ran out?!) or, Oh!, the minute problem of WHAT IF YOU GOT EJECTED FROM THE TEENY-TINY ROCKET AND WENT SPINNING OUT INTO SPACE WHERE THERE IS NO GRAVITY AND YOU PRETTY MUCH ARE SCREWED?! Oh yeah...AND THEN YOU DIE!!!!!

I think I have the opposite of clausterphobia...it's what I like to call: toomuchopenspaceaphobia. Would agoraphobia cover that? The fear of open or public places in which escape would be difficult? very open...no escape...maybe not so public (oh yeah...I forget to mention the whole ALIEN thing!).

Definitely content to stay on THIS planet for the rest of my life. thank you very much, someone suicidal can go up in the little rocket and meet E.T.

Anyways, I'm only bringing this up because today was the last day of 10th grade, which means next year I'm going to be a JUNIOR!!! so, I need to figure out what the heck I'm going to do with my life. EEEEP!!!

So, since I am now semi-grown up, I will share with you my updated list of  Future Plans/Career Ideas...thingy...

1.)Writer. I want to write something life-changing...or maybe just funny.
2.)Musician. I looooove music. I want to compose it and sell it on a CD...or maybe just play it in the park on the weekends.
3.)Editer. I correct people's grammar ALL the time! so I guess I'm good at it.
4.)Psychologist/Psychiatrist. I never can discern between the two, no matter how many times I google them...but I want to help people who have disorders and problems and stuff.
5.)Actor. Theatre is the bomb and I want to continue to become someone else and speak in iambic pantameter.

Although some of these things DO go together, they don't exactly WORK together. At the moment, the one I'm leaning toward is writer. I love writing (as you can tell) and, I don't know, I just want to write something and see it there on a shelf, and think "I did something with my life. look, there it is, for hundreds of generations to read or maybe not read." I want to write out poetry and have people analyze it in english class. I want to write lyrics that people can sing along to during long trips. I want to fill empty, blank pages with meaning and make people question their lives. I want to change the world, or maybe just one person; a tiny piece.

And that's all any of us really want, isn't it? To change a little piece of this world. To leave our thumbprint on something. To be able to sit back when death knocks at our window and say to ourselves "I did something. I gave back. I accomplished something. I left a mark and the world will never be the same again, whether for good or bad."

I just don't want to end up living my life based on other people's dreams. I don't want to blink and find myself teaching a bunch of teenagers who aren't even listening. I don't want to blink and realize that I'm majoring in philanthropy and suddenly wonder "what is that?" I don't want to wake up inside the cockpit of a tiny rocket floating through outer space. I don't want to live someone else's life.

I've seen a veterinarian at work, and it's not all cute kitties and puppies.

I want to be me.